


you could write this love in stone

by chocolatebirdie



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie is oblivious, M/M, Overuse of italics, buck and eddie are soulmates yall, whats a setting i dont know her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:42:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22868053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebirdie/pseuds/chocolatebirdie
Summary: "Whatever happens, after tonight, I just want you to know that your friendship has meant everything to me. You’re my best friend, Eddie. You and Chris are – are like family to me. And I’m really grateful to have met you both.”“Why does this sound like you’re breaking up with me?” Eddie asks. The confusion-amusement ratio has started to skew towards the former, with an added dose of concern. Well maybe if he’d shut up and let Buck talk, Eddie wouldn’t be so puzzled.Did he have to use the phrase “break up,” though? Buck’s not sure he can stand the implication.aka: buck is in looooove and has to tell eddie (with a little help from maddie, chim, and hen)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 49
Kudos: 591





	you could write this love in stone

**Author's Note:**

> my first 911 fic, hello !!! write the fic u want to see in the world amirite!
> 
> shoutout to michele (whoaaitsmichele on here) who is the reason i got into 911. i fell in love with these characters so hard, man. (not as much as they fell in love with each other tho AYY)
> 
> i wrote this in one, like, four hour sitting so if there are mistakes i will probably fix them later. maybe. 
> 
> anyway enjoyyyyy !!
> 
> title from window by magic giant, who i just discovered when i saw them in concert (along with american authors) last night for my birthday!! check them out they're great

Buck loves Maddie. Buck loves Chimney. Buck loves that Maddie and Chimney are happy together. He also, right now, kind of despises them with every fiber of his being. Who says love and hate are mutually exclusive?

“I honestly don’t understand what you guys are talking about,” he says, for probably the third time in a row.

He’s not sure which is worse – the sympathy on Chimney’s face or the complete disbelief on Maddie’s.

“Buck,” Maddie says. “You have to know what we’re saying, don’t you?”

“I already told you I don’t.”

“Buck,” Chimney tries. He puts a hand over Maddie’s, as if he’s taking the reins over for the rest of the conversation. “I’ve known you for a while now, man. Not as long as Maddie, obviously, but I like to think I’ve come to know you pretty well. We’re friends, right?”

“Until ten minutes ago, maybe,” Buck mutters.

Chimney ignores him. “I saw what you were like with Abby, Buck. She made you really happy, made you a better person. The kind of guy that didn’t pick up girls with the truck and then sleep with them in the front seat.”

Maddie grimaces. “ _Gross_.”

“And then she left and it took you forever to move on. . . and then one day it was like she didn’t matter at all.”

Buck opens his mouth to protest, and Chimney holds up a hand before he can get a word out.

“I’m not saying she doesn’t actually mean anything to you, calm down. I’m just saying that when Eddie entered your life, it was like nothing else mattered to you, dude. Do you even realize how much time you spend with him and his son? We had to reschedule this dinner twice because you already had plans with them.”

“I should’ve canceled again,” Buck grumbles.

“Oh, shut up, Buck,” Maddie sighs. “Look, I’m not trying to pretend I know your feelings better than you do.”

“Aren’t you?” Buck snaps. “Because it sounds _exactly_ like that.”

“We’re not,” Chimney agrees. “We’re just worried for you, Buck. We care about you.”

“And,” Maddie says hesitantly. She looks at Chim, unsure, then turns back to Buck. “And we thought, maybe, if we talked to you, then you would know you could, you know. Talk to us.”

“Exactly,” Chimney says. “We have experience in falling for your best friend, obviously.” He smiles at Maddie then, obnoxiously happy and in love.

“I’m not _falling_ for my best friend.” Buck rolls his eyes. “I don’t feel that way about Eddie. He’s my best friend, that’s all. You spend time with your best friends, don’t you? And their kids. That’s all,” he repeats.

“Buck,” Chimney says, sounding exasperated. “Hen is my best friend. I’ve known her for years. I love her, and I love Denny. But I do not spend every minute of my free time with her and her kid.”

Buck shrugs. “You’re with Maddie and Hen’s with Karen. You guys get busy. Eddie and I aren’t seeing anybody, we just have more free time.”

“You were seeing Ali last year,” Maddie points out.

“And Eddie was sleeping with his wife,” Chimney adds. “But still, everywhere Eddie and Christopher went, you went too. From the minute you found out that kid existed, it’s like he became the center of your world. Friends don’t feel that way about their friends’ kids, Buck. I promise you.”

Maddie ducks her head a little, forcing Buck to make eye contact with her while he tries to glare a hole into Maddie and Chimney’s plates.

“I just think you should think about what we’re saying,” she says.

“I’m not in love with Eddie,” Buck swears.

* * *

Buck is, possibly, a little bit in love with Eddie. Like, a lot a bit. Maybe.

First thing’s first: just because it’s true doesn’t mean he likes it. And second: he is never, ever telling Maddie and Chimney.

Who tells someone who they’re in love with? And is actually _right_?

Every time he looks at Eddie now, he’s torn. Part of him wants to shake Eddie and tell him everything, kiss him senseless and make him fall apart. The other part of him wants to hit him.

The hitting part is winning out, at the moment.

But since he doesn’t actually, deep down, want to hurt Eddie – ever, if he can help it (ugh, disgusting gooey feelings) – he makes sure he’s never close enough to Eddie to have the opportunity.

Instead, he glares at him from across the room, snapping at him whenever he asks a question. Whenever he and Eddie are on call, he speaks only about the patient and their situation, ignoring anything else Eddie has to say. Eddie definitely notices, but he keeps trying to get through to Buck – a fact that endears him and pisses him off in equal measure. Like he said: not mutually exclusive.

The one exception is Christopher. He loves Christopher like his own son – or what he imagines having a son might feel like. He would never, ever want Christopher to suffer because Buck is an asshole who doesn’t know what to do with his feelings for his father. And he never wants Chris to miss him the way he had to during Buck’s stupid lawsuit pursuit. So, he makes sure to put on a friendly face whenever Chris is around, and stops by to play video games, go to the park, or babysit just like he normally would.

After about a week, though, Eddie’s apparently out of patience.

* * *

“What’s your problem, man?” Eddie finally snaps.

He’s not sure what the hell is going on with Buck lately. He thought they were finally good – back to normal after the tsunami, the lawsuit, the street fighting – but lately Buck has been so _weird_. And only to him. He’s perfectly pleasant to the rest of the 118, to Chris, and to Maddie. But it’s like no matter what Eddie says, he never says the right thing.

“Did I do something?” he asks after a minute, when it becomes clear Buck doesn’t intend to answer. He can’t remember stepping on Buck’s toes recently, but he has no other explanation for Buck’s behavior. It’s been driving him crazy. He wishes Buck would just _talk_ to him, like a normal human being.

“Just leave it alone, man,” Buck sighs, stalking past Eddie towards the lockers.

“Buck – !” Eddie calls, turning to watch Buck walk away.

“I said leave it!” Buck yells back.

Eddie sighs heavily, walking upstairs to get some food. It won’t help fix things with Buck, but maybe an idea will come to him while he chews.

* * *

“You wanna explain what that was all about?” Hen walks up to him, leaning against the locker next to his.

“Leave me alone, Hen,” Buck sighs. “Please.”

“I can’t do that,” Hen says kindly.

“Why?” he argues. “Did Chimney send you?”

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Confusion colors Hen’s tone, but Buck doesn’t buy it.

“It’s really none of his fucking business – ”

“Whoa, whoa,” Hen stops him. “I’m telling you, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Buck. Chimney didn’t tell me anything.” She sounds like she’s telling the truth, but Buck’s not sure he’s convinced.

“Then why are you over here?” he asks skeptically.

Hen rolls her eyes as if he’s being ridiculous. “Because you’re my friend, Buck. And whatever’s going on with you, there’s clearly something.” She shrugs simply. “And you clearly don’t want to talk to Eddie about it, so I thought I’d offer an ear.”

She sounds innocent enough, but Buck thinks there’s something – in her stance, which is open and unassuming, or maybe in her eyes, which are full of empathy – that sets him on edge.

“You already know, don’t you?” he says. His words get caught in his throat and he has to swallow a few times to keep the bile down.

“I don’t know anything,” Hen says softly.

Buck snorts. _That’s_ certainly not true.

“Except,” she adds, “that there’s a man upstairs who cares about you, who’s worried about you. So worried that he refuses to respond to the way you’ve been treating him this week – which, frankly, has been shitty – because he just wants to help fix it. So whatever it is, you owe it to him to talk to him, because he doesn’t deserve this.”

Buck lowers his head in shame. He knows Hen is right, but his mind has been such a whirlwind for him this week. It was bad enough having to parse through the fact that he’s _gay_ – or bi, or whatever – but that he’s in love with his best friend? And what’s worse, other people knew, before he did? How pathetic can he get?

He doesn’t want to lose what he has with Eddie, or with Christopher. The thought of losing them scares him so much he’s nearly paralyzed by it.

But then he hears Eddie’s voice in his head.

_You can have my back any day._

_There is no one in this world I trust more with my son than you._

Eddie loves him. It may not be the way Buck wants, but he loves him. Buck knows that without a single doubt in his mind.

He’s just going to have to trust that that love is enough – enough for Eddie to stay.

“Thanks, Hen,” he says eventually. He smiles at her, and laughs when she leans in for a hug. He gives her a good squeeze for her troubles.

“Any time, Buck,” she promises, swaying them back and forth. “Any time.”

* * *

It takes him a little while to finally buck up. No pun intended.

(Okay, pun a little intended.)

He goes home, cleans up a bit, runs through what he wants to say about a hundred times. Finally, when it’s late enough that Christopher is most likely asleep, Buck drives over to Eddie’s unannounced.

He stops at the doorstep, hesitates. What if Eddie doesn’t want to see him? He’d have every right. After a minute, he knocks; if Eddie doesn't let him in, he'll respect that, no questions asked.

He’s not waiting long before he hears Eddie turn the lock and swing the door open.

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice is pitched high with surprise. “Did you forget your key?”

Buck shakes his head. “Uh, no, I just – I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me.”

Eddie smiles. “I’ll always want to see you, Buck.” He leans in a bit, a hand on the doorknob keeping him steady. “Even when you’re being an ass.”

Buck laughs and ducks his head. When Eddie opens the door a little wider and starts to retreat, Buck follows him without hesitation.

He always will.

Eddie traipses over to the fridge, picking out two beers and handing one to Buck without asking. Buck takes a long swig, letting the fizz settle in his gut and give him the illusion of liquid courage.

The room is quiet; Chris is asleep, and the only noise is coming from the hum of the refrigerator. Buck’s stomach is churning so much he wonders if, in all the stillness, Eddie is able to hear it from across the room.

Eddie only gives him a few minutes to steel himself before he clearly can’t take the silence. “What’s going on, man? What’s up with you?” The questions are pointed, not casual. _Why are you being like this?_

Well. He supposes this is what he came here for, after all. Still, he wishes Eddie had given him some time to beat around the bush.

“Can we go sit on the couch or something?” Buck asks. Maybe it will be easier to stay when he’s sitting down. Maybe he’s just looking for another reason to stall, just a few more seconds.

Eddie squints. “Sure,” he says after a beat. “Yeah, okay.”

When Eddie starts walking, and he can’t see Buck from behind him, Buck closes his eyes. He can do this. His clenches and unclenches his fists, starts popping his weight from one foot to the other. He runs into burning buildings for a living. He can _do_ this.

He walks over to the couch to sit with Eddie. Normally, they sit pretty close on the couch – never more than an eight-year-old’s width apart. But on top of all his nerves, Buck’s not sure he can handle having Eddie that close to him right now. He sits on the other end instead, and hopes Eddie doesn’t notice the difference.

He looks over at him then, and he can’t breathe. Eddie is just. . . so beautiful. He’s honestly not sure how he never noticed before now. (A small, Maddie-like voice in his head is telling him that he noticed a long, long time ago. He would like that voice to fuck off.)

But more than that, Buck is just overwhelmed by how _good_ Eddie is. From the moment Buck met Eddie, he has been kind. Even when Buck couldn’t stand him, Eddie never retaliated. And boy, how quickly Buck realized his mistake. He learned that Eddie is brave. Eddie is intelligent. Eddie is a loving, devoted father, who would go to the ends of the earth for his son. Buck has never loved two people so quickly, so fiercely, as he came to love these Diaz boys.

Now he just has to. . . tell Eddie that. Out loud. With words.

Buck takes a slow, deep breath.

“I’m sorry for being a dick the last few days,” he begins, because it seems as good a place as any.

Eddie is already shaking his head. “Buck – ”

“No,” Buck interrupts. “I – I need to say this, Eddie, and I’m just gonna need you to shut up, or I’ll probably never get it out.”

Eddie’s squinting again, his face torn between confusion and amusement, but he doesn’t try to talk again.

“It wasn’t fair to you, but I was just so. . . confused and mad and I took it out on you because in a way it kind of felt like it was your fault.”

“So I _did_ do something, then?”

Buck glares at him.

“Sorry. Continue.”

Buck takes another long swig of his beer, running his free hand up and down his thigh.

“Like I was saying, I was angry, and I was taking it out on you. But you didn’t do anything wrong, Eddie, I swear. And – and whatever happens, after tonight, I just want you to know that your friendship has meant everything to me. You’re my best friend, Eddie. You and Chris are – are like family to me. And I’m really grateful to have met you both.”

“Why does this sound like you’re breaking up with me?” Eddie asks. The confusion-amusement ratio has started to skew towards the former, with an added dose of concern. Well maybe if he’d shut up and _let Buck talk_ , Eddie wouldn’t be so puzzled.

Did he have to use the phrase “break up,” though? Buck’s not sure he can stand the implication.

“I’m _not_ ,” Buck says. “But I might, if you don’t stop interrupting me.”

Eddie holds his hands up in surrender, and then mimes zipping his lips for extra effect. Buck’s face muscles betray him with a grin spread ear to ear, and he hopes the blood pooling in his cheeks isn’t as obvious to Eddie as he feels like it is.

“Thank you,” he says. “ _Anyway_.” He feels the smile slip from his face, and his voice tinges with sorrow of its own accord. “I needed to tell you that, ‘cause. . . I don’t want anything to change after tonight. It’s probably a lot to ask, but I still – I still want the game nights and the trips to the zoo and the days where you’re working and I get to spend the whole day with Christopher, just him and me. And I know it might be weird between us for a while and it’s probably shitty of me to play this card but Christopher loves me, Eddie, and I love him. So much.”

“I wouldn’t ever take Christopher away from you,” Eddie whispers, as if the confession is a secret.

Buck has inched forward while he was speaking, so he’s close enough now to make out the specks of Eddie’s eyes. His eyes which are overwhelming filled with concern, and appreciation, and – if Buck dares to think it – _love_. And Buck _knows_ , then, that he can do this. He can get through it; he’s been through much, much worse.

“I love you, Eddie. I’m in love with you. It took me a long time and a kick in the ass to figure it out, but I – ” Buck laughs wetly. “I do. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here, with you. With Christopher.”

Eddie looks. . . stunned, to say the least. His lips are slightly parted, and he doesn’t look like he’s taken a breath since before Buck said _the words_. And Buck, well. He goes a little into panic mode.

* * *

“I didn’t expect this to happen, you have to know that, Eddie, I wasn’t trying to – to take advantage or something. I didn’t even know I liked guys until this week. But the more I’ve thought about it, the more everything’s from the last two years has made sense. And I thought that elf was seeing things but maybe she had the right idea, at least from my end of things – ”

Did he just say _elf_?

“The – I’m sorry, what?” Eddie stops Buck from whatever anxious spiral he is headed towards.

“What?” Now Buck looks as confused as Eddie feels. Does Buck even know what he’s saying at this point? Probably not. Eddie’s pretty sure Buck only listens to what’s coming out of his mouth about 40 percent of the time. Unlike Eddie, who always listens.

Even when Buck is talking about elves. Even when Buck just told Eddie – _Eddie_ – that he loves him. That he’s _in love_ with him. Buck. In love with Eddie. Buck.

It’s possible Eddie’s brain is short-circuiting.

Years of being a father and a first responder have honed his poker face, though. Eddie knows that the wrong expression could ruin things right now, possibly beyond repair.

But what does he say? How does he respond to – to _that_? Of all the things Buck could have told him tonight, he wasn’t expecting I love you. Eddie’s never even thought of Buck that way – of any man that way.

But his silence is starting to migrate from “I’m listening and considering everything you’re saying” into “I’m just being rude and not going to answer you” territory, so he interrupts whatever it is Buck is rambling about.

“Listen, Buck.” Buck stops short, his mouth closing so quickly that Eddie can hear his teeth clack together. He looks – well, a little terrified. His hands are picking at the fabric of his jeans, and the leg that’s not tucked under him is tapping incessantly on the floor. He sucks his lip into his mouth and Eddie, randomly, feels a spike of heat shoot up his belly. Weird.

“First of all,” he says, trying to keep his voice soothing and gentle. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Buck this on-edge before. “Thank you for telling me.” Buck scoffs, sounding disbelieving and self-deprecating both. “I’m serious. I know it wasn’t easy and it took a lot of courage.”

Buck cuts him off before he can continue. “Just rip off the band-aid, man.” He’s looking at his jeans now, and if he doesn’t stop soon, he’s going to make a hole in them. Eddie puts a hand on top of Buck’s to still him, and taps Buck’s chin gently with the other to make Buck look up at him. He wonders for a moment if it’s unusual to be so tactile with your best friend who just admitted he’s in love with you, a straight man. Probably not.

“Second of all,” Eddie continues as if Buck had never interrupted. “Nothing is going to change, Buck. You are still a part of this family. Christopher loves you, and I – ”

Buck’s eyelids flutter closed. “Please don’t.”

“But I do, Buck. And I’m sorry it’s – I mean, I don’t _know_ if – I’ve never thought about it before now, not. . . like that.” Buck opens his eyes and even though he won’t quite make eye contact, Eddie can see an ever-so-slight sheen of tears in his eyes.

Eddie hates, _hates_ , that he’s hurting Buck, in any way. Eddie wants nothing more than to see Buck smile, to see Buck _happy_. He wants to be by Buck’s side as long as Buck and the will of God will allow. He wants Buck there for all of Chris’ milestones, for all of the ups and downs of everyday life. He wants to protect Buck – even though he knows Buck would resent the thought, but the fact of the matter is, Buck is a magnet for danger. And every time Buck gets hurt again, Eddie is terrified that this will be the time he loses him for good. Eddie’s pretty sure that, short of losing his abuela and – God forbid – his son, there is no loss that could ever hurt him as deeply.

It’s the way everyone feels about their best friend.

“I don’t want you to think I’m kicking you out, but – ”

“You want me to go.” Buck doesn’t even sound surprised, just resigned, and a little sad.

“I just need to – to think, I think. This is all a lot to process and I think I need to – ”

“Yeah, no, yeah, sure. Yeah.” Buck starts to stand, pausing to set his beer on the coaster because he knows drink stains are one of Eddie’s biggest pet peeves. Everyone thinks Buck runs around like a chicken with his head cut off, never thinking before taking action, but the truth is Buck is one of the most considerate, thoughtful people Eddie’s ever met.

Eddie watches as Buck turns to leave. He puts a hand on the back of his neck and closes his eyes. He hears the door open and he starts, jumping up before he has a chance to think.

“Buck. Buck, wait.”

Buck stops in his tracks, the door already half shut behind him. Eddie approaches him quietly, moving the door back until he has full view of Buck.

“Buck,” he says again, pleading.

Slowly, so slowly, Buck turns around. He has a tear sliding down his cheek, and Eddie feels his chest slicing into pieces. He hurt Buck, the person who means more to him than almost anyone. He hates it.

Buck moves to wipe his eyes, and Eddie’s not sure why he does it, but he stops Buck’s movements with a hand on his arm. He takes a few careful steps towards Buck, and unthinkingly, he swipes Buck’s tears with his thumbs. His fingers cradle Buck’s face gently, and Buck’s eyes flutter closed.

“Eddie.” He says his name like a prayer.

Eddie had thought – well, he wasn’t sure he’d thought at all, really. He supposes he meant to stop Buck just to say goodnight, to give him a hug, to reassure him that he’d talk to him soon. But now he’s here, with Buck’s head between his hands, looking so vulnerable and trusting and strong all at once. He moves his right hand up, traces Buck’s birthmark with his fingers, and watches the way Buck exhales at his touch.

And Eddie. . . oh.

Eddie loves him.

Eddie _loves_ him.

“Buck.” He says his name like a promise.

* * *

Buck isn’t sure what Eddie’s doing, but he doesn’t dare move – barely dares to breathe – as Eddie’s hands hold him together. The hand that had been tracing his birthmark moves to the back of his neck, and that’s all the warning he gets before Eddie’s lips are on his.

Buck sucks in a sharp breath, the force of Eddie’s kiss swaying him backwards. His hand rests on Eddie’s hip to steady himself. He’s afraid to move any more, to kiss back, afraid that Eddie will remember he’s kissing a man – kissing _Buck_ – and pull back.

But then Eddie licks his lower lip, and when Buck parts his lips, it’s like they both kick into overdrive. Eddie wraps an arm around Buck’s back, dragging him closer until their chests are flush. Buck wraps a hand around Eddie’s neck, and for the first time, pulls back from the kiss to initiate one of his own. Eddie bites his lip and Buck moans loudly – and then he freezes, because.

The door’s still open. Chris is in the next room, fast asleep. Because it’s late, and Buck is at Eddie’s, who is kissing him. _Eddie_.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie whispers into his mouth, and fuck if that doesn’t send shivers down Buck’s spine.

But as much as Buck would like to go back to where they were a few seconds ago – kissing, biting, possibly about to progress to grinding and other activities involving privacy, less clothing, and preferably a bed – Buck is not that person. Not anymore, and certainly not with Eddie, his best friend. Eddie, who just kissed him.

Buck moves back a half step and opens his eyes. Eddie still has an arm around him, and the hand that was at his neck lowers to slide up and down his back. Buck hopes that’s a good sign, that Eddie isn’t having the existential _I’m in love with my best friend who is a man_ crisis Buck’s been having for the last week.

Eddie smiles at him, and Buck’s pretty sure he could die happy, right here.

* * *

So, as it turns out, kissing Buck is pretty goddamn fantastic.

“We should probably talk,” Buck says, his voice coming out scratchy.

“Probably.”

“And close the door.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. He doesn’t move.

Neither does Buck.

His eyes are searching his face, looking for something. Eddie’s not sure what – regret? He has none. Confusion? Maybe a little, but to be honest, Eddie’s just relieved to have an answer to these – these feelings, that he never really understood.

Love? He’s not sure if that’s what Buck is looking for, but he knows he will find it, etched into every inch of Eddie’s skin, his whole being. Because with sudden, earth-shattering clarity, Eddie knows that he loves Evan Buckley, with his heart and soul. And he hopes to show him that, every day, for as long as he’s allowed.

“Come on, then,” Eddie eventually whispers. He moves to take both of Buck’s hands in his, pulls him far enough away from the door that Buck can kick it shut with his heel. He keeps pulling him, then, back to the couch where they were before – except this time, he’s going to make sure Buck sits much, much closer to him. “I have something I need to tell you.”

Buck smiles then, so bright it could probably light up the world.

It certainly lights up Eddie's.

**Author's Note:**

> lol wonder what eddie was gonna tell him ??? the world will never know
> 
> @911 make them canon u cowards
> 
> come talk to me here or on [twitter](http://twitter.com/kiwiiesbian) about buddie!!!!


End file.
